youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Nobody cheats on THIS.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
