I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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