just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
