Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
