dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
