We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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