Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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