checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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