you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
