my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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