After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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