They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
