He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize