I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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