They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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