I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He did a backflip because drugs
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
