I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We were destined to go to rehab together
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
