i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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