Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize