He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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