some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm sobbing to NWA
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
