Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
