How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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