I'm jealous of your bromance
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
