i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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