I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
