Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
