Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I had to cum in my sink.
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