did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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