when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
