I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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