Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
