Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I touched a dick in church today
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
