Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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