just come out here and I will go home with you...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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