I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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