You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
