his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize