She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
