I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
