i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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