Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
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