So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
