i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
