I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
