Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
