Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
