dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
