Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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