New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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