you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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