pedialite and red bull = repair kit
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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