every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
