I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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