I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
