everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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