so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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