Pappa wants mamma naked
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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