I seem to have left my pride at pride
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
