I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
