Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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