I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
