Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
