She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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