is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
