at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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