theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
