Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
love makes seman taste better
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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