We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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