I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
