I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
