I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
