I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
