He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
