Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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