i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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