I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
You can't motorboat a personality
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
