Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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