I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
