He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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