I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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