Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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