Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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