I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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