Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
