Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
