Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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