i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize