Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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