When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
